Saturday, August 1, 2009

Toxic People 3: Woe it's me!

Oh, all good things come in three's right?? I am so long winded (or so over opinionated...)that I yet again, wanted to split this post. Why not...I have been having some knee pain this week and am not running a lot, and will have more fitness heavy posts after the weekend...so for now, you can put up with my talking about relationships. Lord knows, I have had enough experience to fill a billion blogs.  So... Let's look at WHY Toxic people filter into our lives. 

Once you're out of or putting some distance between you and toxic people, you can take an honest look at how they ended up getting so close to you or being in your life. Some slip through the cracks like water into the basement over the years. Some start out as very normal, very good friends and sour somewhere along the way. Some come tearing in like a whirlwind of fun and sun only to show their stormy side sooner than expected! Or maybe it is something to look at in ourselves. 

In my own personal experience, I am attracted to people (by people I mean men that I HAD a tendency to date) who I felt I could fix or help. What am I running, a hardware store? No sir! I mean, I believe we should help others, have compassion and do our best, but we can't fix other people. We can help or encourage those who want to help themselves. If you feel like maybe this is a reason why you find yourself surrounded by project relationships, fixer-upper men or toxic people, maybe it's time to look at what YOU'RE searching for through the relationships. 

It can be very hard to watch someone struggle with trials, no matter how toxic. Having pity on someone and the problems they constantly encounter is often a way that people become close, again it's wanting to help. You feel sorry for them and think that they are just having a down and out week or month or year and then...you see their pattern. 

It could be you were comforted by them or enjoyed their crazy stories and antics but it got out of hand and are seeing a different side of it. Well, the people we keep around us and their antics will affect us. We will have influence over them, but, in turn, we will be influenced by them as well. This could lead to that old one step ahead, two steps back. Their thoughts and behaviors will rub off on us and sometimes they will pull us into their weird little webs of negative behavior. Take the lead in that wacky waltz and cut it short...full steps ahead! 

The easiest way by far to get out of a relationship with a toxic person is to never get into one!! Watch for those little red flags when you meet people: the lifestyle that is a wee bit out of control, the complaining, the ability or inability to be honest and humble, and those little things that don't just add up--trust your spirit girls!

The older I get the more I am careful of who I am going to invite to share in my world and I want to spend time with others who add to my life, who renew me and help to build me up. When I have people like that that around me, I will be able to be that person for others and that is exactly what I am called to do--we are blessed to be blessing to others! So sweep that negative energy out the door and replace the Debby Downers with the Debby Do-gooders!! It will do your spirit AND body good.




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