Thursday, October 1, 2009

Single Serving: Choices

In other, late breaking news: I feel very, very single tonight. I came home from work (caught in a rain storm on my bike TO work and on my way HOME) to find my chilli had spilled in my bag and a dead mouse in my room!! The cats had been on the hunt obviously and had proudly left their kill in the door way. Thank goodness they didn't leave it on my pillow. I screamed, I admit it, like a girly girl.

After I "took care of it" I was going to change out of my wet dress into something blog worthy like a Journey tee and sleep pants when my cute little vintage dress zipper got derailed on the the middle...of my back. *Le Sigh* No hubby to help move the mouse, no hubby to help get me OUT of the dress I was stuck hubby period.

I was really feeling it tonight.

poor guy, but not a scratch on him...foul play?

As fantastic as I am, as healthy and as hot (did I mention funny?)--I am single! I have had plenty of boyfriends and one or two I even liked. So why still single? I'll tell you why. Choices. Now, don't get me wrong or read me the wrong way, I am not the kind of girl who thinks that I NEED a man to complete me or to make me happy or even feel worth while. I know who I am and I know why.

But I have always wanted to find that companion to run the race set before us!! To live life together and endure it all, loving every minute. There were 2 boys that would have married me and I really am grateful to God for getting me out because they were not the ones! Yet, I was with them anyway and it was because of strings of wrong choices. The inaugural one being:

I didn't know my true worth.

I chose to believe what was implied to me from a few sources when I was an adolescent and that was: Who else could you get? A loud girl like you, with the poor grade point average you have and the odd way you dress? So I think--isn't this guy good enough? *see footnote

In my late teens and early twenties, by believing the lie that I was not worth more, that I was indeed the odd girl out instead of a unique and precious standards plummeted and I spent 10 years dating sub-par boys. Bad boys, boys who didn't believe in God, who didn't believe in me, mean boys, condescending boys, boys with anger issues.

I compromised myself and made poor choice after poor choice because of my first false belief. I chose to negotiate with them, to "change them" if you will. I claimed too that the person I was trying to "help" them be was what they really wanted, who they really were deep down and I was only helping them realize it.


If that was who they really were....they would BE that. I was playing a part, stepping into a role that I was used to growing up: the helper. I took the sub par boys, the mean boys and faithless boys and turned them into the DIY project of the YEAR and in turn wasted mine.

What changed? Well, I realized a few things:
  • I can set my standards as high as I want, because I am a precious child of God and he can bring me the right man. I don't have to settle.
  • People are who they are. Some are stuck in a rut, some are content where they are, some are just starting down their path, but their values and beliefs are what they will be. You can't change them. They must walk their own way.
  • Faith and values are two different things and they do not always align.
  • My still small voice has ALWAYS been right and I need to listen to that.
  • Every choice we make in life is important. Every choice brings us to another and if we get a little off track from where we want to be we can find our selves many steps away from where we were trying to go!

I have learned to be mindful and purposeful with my choices!

And just HOW do we do that? I am working on a post right now about moving with purpose! In the meantime, single once again and armed with better beliefs about myself and more knowledge, I am moving forward with purpose. Liking it or not I have to get myself out of my own dress for just a while longer. Stay tuned!

First footnote *
Another major and contributing factor was that I had some emotional needs that were not met and therefore was desperate to find someone to give me those. It's your basic run of the mill, girl chases after all the wrong boys for attention she never got complex, but that was more of an action rather than a thought process that influenced me. It's also a whole other post.

I Declare Charms Giveaway Winner!

Thank you all so much for following and welcome to all the new followers!

I am so excited to bring my first giveaway to a close, I have big plans for more in the future!! SO, in the meantime our winner of their very own, personalize I Declare Charm item.... #53: Catey over at Random thoughts from the zoo!!

Catey says:

Holler--pink is my favoritest color ever!! Congrats Catey, I will let you know when the charming goods are on their way!

Affirmations #1

Everyone has to do lists.

I sure do, I am a huge list maker and you can often find me shifting things from list to list, combining lists, crossing off, refining, scheduling and starting anew. Some people I have talked to think list making is a condition!

Yet for all the things we want to achieve and need to accomplish everyday whether it is dropping that check in the mail or the ever present, clean off desk (that tops my list nearly every time) there are far more important things for me to do that I have taken to writing down in the last few years.

They are affirmations and below is an example of some of mine:

My own Journey

These have been really helpful to me recently as I have faced some disappointments and some days with more challenges than I care to face! These particular ones are to remind me that I am on my own journey with my own focus. I don't want to chase after the wrong things in life or be busy just for the sake of being busy. Doing things I should be doing, things I love and things with purpose are key!

One thing I have discovered is that I have been, in the past, lured off by other peoples bright shiny dreams or their siren song of success! I LOVE it when my friends succeed--I love it when strangers succeed, heck, I tear up when I hear the biggest loser theme song! People succeeding and living their dreams is an encouragement, proof that we can do it! On my way, I have to make sure the path is mine. A good path does not the right path make.

Know what I'm sayin'?

In general there are times when I am down, when there are things I struggle with and some I don't want to do. I don't mean our general run of the mill, I don't want to do the dishes after dinner, those are habits that we can work on and improve. I mean deeper struggles. Things that can affect our lives with meaning. Losing purpose, losing perspective in a struggle, losing sight of WHO WE ARE. Sometimes our lack of motivation for daily tasks, is a symptom of these deeper struggles.

SO. I write affirmations for those. Think about it as if you are forming a game plan:

Who are you, what do you do, what is your result and how do you feel about it?

Your answer may be: I am Jane and I do nothing because I don't have money to finish my degree, so I work at a dead end job and it sucks the life out of my day so much I don't want to get up in the morning or have energy to play with my kids at night.
So I would write: I am Jane. I expect to experience success to day in everything I do. I work hard and I am a good worker. I am slated for a better position. All of my needs are being supplied. I have energy, I have joy, I have life. I get up and am productive and I bring joy to my home and family.

Now, I know that's not going to pay for night school or make the job better, but it will bring her up to a new level of thinking.

If you can change your thinking
you can change your actions.
If you can change your thinking
you can see opportunity.
If you can change your thinking
you can change your world.

I have written so many affirmations, a lot of which I have hanging up, some were just jotted down on a post it on a bus when I had to remind myself of what was really real. My attitude, job, my ability, my energy and my body have all been topics of affirmations. Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves and build ourselves up with words that ARE true, they just don't feel true. I repeat them, but with a true purpose in mind, and that is to renew my mind. To change my thinking for good.

They literally hang all over my house!! The Journey one above is a newer addition and found a home on my bedroom mirror. I don't need to see my face anyway.

I will share some of those affirmations with you now and again, just as I have them written and just where they are so you can be encouraged to!

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