Thursday, November 19, 2009

Single Serving: It's not you, it's me

Everyone makes choices in life, big ones and little ones. Often, when we are out there, single and looking for the right person, other people's choices can feel like they are directed at us personally. Someone doesn't answer an email on a dating website, they don't call when they say they will or maybe they tell you after date number one that you are better off friends.

I used to take things like that personally. As if the other person's choice was an affront to me, in actuality, others have a right to move down any path they feel is right for their life! I do, and so should they. I never took offense when I was the one breaking the bad news over coffee! Still, nearly every person knows what it feels like to not be chosen, to get that note back with a big RED circle around "no" and not "yes" and maybe for a little while it stings, maybe for a long while it truly aches.

It's embarrassing to admit, but I have been in situations where I could feel rejected, then I stop and realize, I wasn't that into HIM either. Everyone wants to be desired by someone else and when we are not, something in our heart wants to take offense and be hurt. Why bother? It is a waste of time and emotion! If you were not into the person that much either, then look at it as a win win situation and move on! It is one less person you know is not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

If you have been genuinely hurt by someone who had to express non-interest, take the time to grieve your feelings, but try and look at it from their point of view. What if you had to make the decision and tell someone that you weren't interested in dating them. It is a brave thing to do and I think an honest way out. Take time to heal for yourself and move on with your chin up.

Don't read into anything that you may have "done" or "said" thinking the other person found a fault in you--if you start speculating like that, you will spiral into negative self talk. Besides we have NO idea (unless they tell us) why someone feels yay or nay about any date: first, second or fifth. Depending on the day, we can feel yay or nay about the person we are seeing!

Just be true to yourself, and love who you are and be kind to yourself on whatever your journey!! Then when we least expect it that person who will love us that way too, will come along with a big fat RED sharpie and circle yes all over our hearts.

Right? Right.

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