Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Confidence & moving past the past

I have been discovering recently how much I lack the confidence I should have. Sure I am able to give myself pep talks here and there, say or write my affirmations and hit up scripture when I need a boost, but what about getting to the ROOT of the problem?

I did. I got to the root of the problem. Getting past it was/is another thing. 

Moving into a new career where I am learning new things, studying and needing to remember and recall info has been trying on my confidence. There are things I don't know, things I can't remember, things that I WONDER whether or not I will do well if I try.

That's fear & worry and those words don't belong in my vocabulary.

This past weekend, as I blogged about in a few lines yesterday, I went to hear Terri Savelle Foy who spoke from her new book "Making your Dreams Bigger than your Memories." She really believes that people are held back by all the memories of their past and all the hurts they have experienced.

For instance, If I have experienced a lot of hurt in the past surrounding a certain subject (for me, it's how smart I am) then by my constantly replaying these hurts, I am holding myself back. By replaying those statements or moments when someone put me down or I felt stupid, I am constantly looking back into the past. God doesn't want us living in the past or focusing on our mistakes, but to move forward and do new things, move forward to better things that he has in store for us! He doesn't look at our past, so why are we? Why I am? Areyou always looking back at your past with remorse or shame? This can hold us back, even if we don't realize we are doing it.

Think about this: Why do we work out? ( we love it right, but) Why do we ride farther, lift more, run faster day after day? So that when we can say, " I am stronger or faster this month than last. I did better this race than I did last. Look how far I have come in a year." Our body, soul and spirit are the same in that we should be striving for improvement and to be in a better place, moving forward. I know I have struggled with a lack of confidence, but I am learning to get that back.

I have always worked hard to be "smart" but at the same time held on to hurts from the past that said I wasn't. I would never call myself dumb, but inside without even really knowing it, I felt less than. I felt shame over mistakes, over situations where others didn't think I was smart and subconsciously it was holding me back ( I won't list all the examples, but there are many from putting off further education, to finishing my degree late, to staying in entry level jobs, not to mention the little negative comments that add up..)

SO, I am pinpointing moments or comments that have stuck with me, that have stung and I am writing them out and letting them all go, and I will not look back! I actually had a little moment with the list of hurts, going all the way back to my kindergarden teacher and all the way up to this past year. I listed them out-loud and gave them up. I handed them over to God.

I also listed out all of my accomplishments in life, no matter how small and there were WAY more than all of the hurts I could remember. Does my list prove to me that I am smart, that I have value? No, it's just a piece of paper. But I am reminding myself everyday that I was made with a purpose and in that I have value and with my accomplishments I am fulfilling that purpose.

When the little thought slips into my head that says "Do you really think you can do that... you're not very book smart, you know, you haven't been very good at tests in the past" etc...I will STOP it before it can even take root and I will remind myself of all I have accomplished and of my worth!

For almost a year, I have been writing here at Fit this, Girl and SO much has happened in that year!! I have accomplished so much -- even since January! Since last June, Since 2008, since 2004! I will not roll over to some negative thinking and let myself give in to those same past thoughts and hurts. It is a BRAND new day and I will look forward with confidence knowing my best days are ahead of me and my past is past!

Last night on The Biggest Loser, Singer Ashanti sang a song called "Shine". The lyrics really struck home with all I have been thinking about since the speaker over the weekend and even long before that: 

They'll try to make you feel.
That your not good enough.
You feel so incomplete.
Don't let them change you.
Show this whole world that you were made to. . .
Shine! They can't shut out your light. No matter how hard they try.
They try but they never can win cause they can't stop what's inside. 
They'll try to take you try to break you down. 
Remember you were born to shine!

How do you boost confidence in yourself?  LET'S hear about how you Shine: List some of your own FAVE accomplishments!!

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