I did. I got to the root of the problem. Getting past it was/is another thing.
Moving into a new career where I am learning new things, studying and needing to remember and recall info has been trying on my confidence. There are things I don't know, things I can't remember, things that I WONDER whether or not I will do well if I try.
I have always worked hard to be "smart" but at the same time held on to hurts from the past that said I wasn't. I would never call myself dumb, but inside without even really knowing it, I felt less than. I felt shame over mistakes, over situations where others didn't think I was smart and subconsciously it was holding me back ( I won't list all the examples, but there are many from putting off further education, to finishing my degree late, to staying in entry level jobs, not to mention the little negative comments that add up..)
SO, I am pinpointing moments or comments that have stuck with me, that have stung and I am writing them out and letting them all go, and I will not look back! I actually had a little moment with the list of hurts, going all the way back to my kindergarden teacher and all the way up to this past year. I listed them out-loud and gave them up. I handed them over to God.
I also listed out all of my accomplishments in life, no matter how small and there were WAY more than all of the hurts I could remember. Does my list prove to me that I am smart, that I have value? No, it's just a piece of paper. But I am reminding myself everyday that I was made with a purpose and in that I have value and with my accomplishments I am fulfilling that purpose.
For almost a year, I have been writing here at Fit this, Girl and SO much has happened in that year!! I have accomplished so much -- even since January! Since last June, Since 2008, since 2004! I will not roll over to some negative thinking and let myself give in to those same past thoughts and hurts. It is a BRAND new day and I will look forward with confidence knowing my best days are ahead of me and my past is past!
Last night on The Biggest Loser, Singer Ashanti sang a song called "Shine". The lyrics really struck home with all I have been thinking about since the speaker over the weekend and even long before that: