Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Letter to Self: To read or not to read....

Word up everyone! I am rocking my to do list this week and feeling great about all I have accomplished and where these little steps will take me in the end! How are you doing on all your goals this week? 

In the mail yesterday, I received a letter. From ME. Actually it was mailed by Jen, Prior Fat Girl, but it was addressed by me and written to me. I sat on it for about 4 hours without opening it. Then I opened it. And didn't read it. I sat on it for a while longer remembering what it was that Jen had us write: where we want to be in six months time when she mails them to us. Ahem. 

Why not just tear it open, to see what I wrote? See if I am meeting or exceeding those goals and dreams I wrote to myself six months ago? Fear. I am afraid that I am going to fall short of all I wrote to myself. But the afternoon I wrote it was a blogger event where we all talked about our fears, about our fear of failure, of not fitting in, of not succeeding at career, weight loss, life and more. We were all the same that day. Thinking back, I remember writing encouraging words to myself in that letter along with goals. 

What is success?? 

As a new personal trainer, I encountered clients who didn't see results. Many have and are and do, but some...don't. I struggle with that. I am their trainer, I am crafting plans, encouraging, motivating, sending emails saying "go get em this week--get that water in, you did a great job!" and still. Results? Nope. 

My boss pulled me aside when he noted that this certain situation was putting a damper on my enthusiasm and said that my success as a trainer is not based on my clients success.  If I give 110% to my client in the form of a great plan to meet the goal, plan great sessions, provide motivation, challenges & encouragement then I have succeeded as a trainer. The client has a part in their own success and is ultimately responsible for it. 

So, is success trying and giving your all? Or is success, winning, overcoming? Is it doing the right thing with the right motive? Is it being number one, on top, lead dog? 

I think it can be all of them. I can't discount TRYING and not getting the results I wanted. You go back, draw up a new plan and try again. That is still success in my book. So. The letter then. 

I unfolded it. I read it. 

It was written one month before I was done at my receptionist job(!!) Wow, that seems like ages ago that I was working there, leaving a secure position to take unpaid internships for 4 hours a day, not knowing what was around the bend! 

The letter from the BLOGGER meet up--recap HERE

It reads: 

Mary (that's me),  
So you're at the blogger met up today and feeling kind of bad--some bad
food choices lately and not getting to the gym, but there are always ups and downs
and I need to base my feelings/ thoughts on who I am in God's eyes and not how I feel. 
You need a few weeks to center and you'll be on track. The biggest fear right now is feeling
 inadequate in your fitness (training, instruction). You have one month left [at work] and are a bit afraid of not having a job--but the Lord Provides! He is my source for: CONFIDENCE, for money, for healthy motivation. You can get on track and you CAN fearlessly achieve your 
dreams. When you get this, you'll be a trainer with a wonderful job. You will be happy-(ier) Love you, Mary (that's me) 

Wow. That rocked. There are ups and downs and I still am successful. I still struggle with food and getting on track, but I make it. I still face fear about what I do, my confidence soars most days knowing my co-workers help and support me and all the tools I need are provided. 

Job? Yeah, I LUCKED out there. I have 3 WONDERFUL jobs, plus Temple Training and Fitness. I do know that I can get on track and achieve my dreams--I did it after this letter and I am doing it this week, but not being afraid of "the bad run" but diving in and overcoming. Life isn't perfect, but I think I am learning about true success and about loving life as it is and not as I want it to be. 

Thanks to Jen for having us write it and for sending the letter! Scary as it was, it was the best piece of mail today! 

How do you view success in your life??

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