Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Feel the fear and do it anyway....

No pictures in this post.  I usually have ALL pics, but not today, there really isn't anything I could post that would fit with what I want to talk about. I am going to talk about fear. Everyone has it, but not everyone handles it the same way. 


I used to run from fear. I used to hide from it, I used to try and outwit it or cover it up when it came around. But that is because I really used to believe it was true. I let fear come in and take residence in my life because I didn't know who I was. I was always allowing my past failures and experiences to dictate what I felt, what I did and even color who I was. These things kept me in the same place. I didn't move forward--ever. In ANYTHING. I made all kinds of lateral moves that kept me in the same kind of places, situations and same kind of relationships. 

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear makes us THINK that what we see is real. That what we imagine is real, that what is being told to us (either by others or by that "little" voice in our head.) is real. Well, the things we see, think, hear, and fear are NOT destined to be TRUE.  I have experienced some very profound proof of this idea, just this week and that proof is rocking my little world. 

Proof #1:  I am thrilled over and over when I look at 2010. Here is why. I am coming up on one FULL year of my big Leap of Faith. You can read about that HERE but in a nut shell, I stepped out, quit my job and became a personal trainer. So, what's so great about that? In January 2010 when I was taking my certification course, the instructor said point blank "You're not going to come out of this course and get a job as a personal trainer." A wave of panic went over me. Mid February I was planning on giving notice at my job--I had BETTER get a job. Well, I needed to give a generous notice at my 9-5, so I did that withOUT a job. As a matter of fact, when I left that job March 2010 (19th to be exact) I had an unpaid internship and 3 hours of Group Fitness classes per week.  But I was hired at my 2nd internship, a job that I had talked about and wanted for years. It was a big goal of mine to work there so not only did I GET a job, I got one at a gym I had dreamt of working at. Proof. My instructor, my certifications, even my boss was not in charge of where I got my job: God was. 

Proof #2: So, on top of leaving a good paying job with nothing else lined up, but stepping out in faith, this past March I made a second big decision out of pure faith, against all fears and TODAY saw all the loose ends tied up.  It was early March, I had given notice at a good paying corporate job and had my last day on the horizon when I was really drawn to a destination marathon opportunity. It was through Bolder Options a non-profit I had been volunteering through as a mentor to an at-risk kid. I had been to destination meetings at least two years before and was always fearful of the daunting task of raising all the money for the organization: $3500.00 and in paying for the trip: plane ticket, food etc... but this year, when my future was really up in the air, I couldn't get the marathon fundraising trip off my mind. So I signed up for the Honolulu Marathon, which at that time was NINE months away. I signed up, started fundraising and just took it a step at a time. I WAS NOT going to let the unknown of what my future looked like dictate what I did at that time. So I lept, big time. I committed to raising that three thousand plus dollars and paying for my way. 

Today, TWELVE DAYS Before the race, my FULL fundraising was reached! 

Not ONLY that, but in addition there have been so many little things that my heart desired that I was able to get before my trip! I have my plane ticket, I have money for the trip, I have a new camera to take pictures of paradise, an ipod for marathon music and a new phone to update Facebook during the race of my life!  I stepped out pushed that FEAR away and didn't let it have precedence over something that I was going to do nine months from them. I believed it, I believed I could do that, but I didn't think in March of this year (or in July, August or September!) would I have thought that I would have all of these little additions to my trip. 


I have to take this last paragraph and say that ALL of these things, my proof that fear is just false evidence, my little gadgets and all of the blessings that just chased me down this past 12 months are because from God.  It's through his provision, his love and desire to show us that when we turn to HIM and seek him first that he will heap his grace on our lives that I was able to step out in the first place. The more I focus on him, the more he shows up in all my needs and showing me HE is my source. 


God is so gracious with me and with all of us despite the fact that we are so undeserving. He loved us first, in our stinking attitudes, our situations, our frustration with life, our FEAR that we just won't let go. He loved us first despite all of that and  wants so badly to give us the desires of our hearts and my first desire is Him. I give him all the glory for all I do--I live for him and I run for him! 


People will think what they want and I know some people look at my situation and attribute my zeal for my faith over the last year to my new situation and job. But I have to disagree. It was because of my new job, my step of faith that I HAD to turn to my faith and God as my source and only point of trust. It became the focal point of all I do and just took OFF growing by leaps and bounds. It was one of the best things I ever did, step out in faith, step through fear and allow my faith to change my life as I changed careers and focus. 

Happy Hump Day!! What is one thing you used to be fearful of and overcame with God's help or help of others?? 

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