Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Broken things...

What makes blogging so intriguing? Why do we LOVE to read our favorite bloggers intimate life details as often as they will post them? What makes their stories engaging and their daily routines riveting?? 

Personal experience! 

Maybe others have been through the same thing, but they are not sharing it like bloggers do. 
We put it out there what we are dealing with, we get to the nitty-gritty, the truth and the core and it's not always pretty, but we are always speaking from experience and in turn, speaking from truth. 

You know, I have talked about my past and my struggles with alcohol and of course food. Current struggles with healthy living and even a little hint at tight finances, but don't go all the way into depth like some. In all honesty regardless of how much we share on our blogs, no one knows what REALLY goes on except for the people we let in.  

So I may not share my bank balance or my stress level day to day with work, tenants and time crunches, but it's there. I may not share that I had 6 girl scout cookies before bed or that I only drank 40 ounces of water one day last week, but its there. I may not share all my fears of just being average, of being behind on goals I am desperately wanting to see spring to life. I may not go into detail about how daily I am reminding myself that I have VALUE and that I do not need to take second place. But I do, just like I am sure all of you do too.  

Broken Things
But today I am going to share about my personal experience with broken things. Big deal right? Right! Broken things are everywhere: a broken glass, a broken blender, I broke my ankle in 2000. This past week, two things of mine broke: a vase I LOVED and a ring that meant a lot to me, it has a story. 

For me, I would always keep things that were broken. Store them away to be fixed and then use my free time to sort through and fix them all. Tossing them just felt wasteful, but I rarely got around to it. Most often when I would get around to it, they weren't even able to be fixed right. Gluing a vase, but there are big cracks, a few missing pieces, but I would turn it to the wall and no one would know. Not a bad idea, right? 

But there was something to that. FOR ME, I would rather have the comfort of the THING, broken, glued, useless or the memory of what it was, instead of seeing it for what it was NOW. Broken. 

I love that yellow vase above, and the former Mary would have mended it up and put it back up on the shelf to display. But I am no longer ok with holding on to less than whole, patched up, broken things. I am tossing it, this is HUGE for me. Is it wasteful? Is it frivolous? Maybe. Maybe a thriftier gal would mend it and keep it, but for me, the emotional health of letting broken, less than whole things go is a metaphor in my life: 

I can let broken things be broken. 
I can let broken things go. 
I can let broken things be THINGS and not hoard the hurts 
of what it was SUPPOSED to be or mean. 
I can love myself enough to surround myself with:

oneness not 

less than

A ring my mother bought me years ago broke this weekend too. It's a ring that says Fear Not, from Isaiah 43: 

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 
2 When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze. 
3 For I am the LORD your God

I love the ring, but am letting it go too, with no worries and no fears at all. It's a symbol yes that meant a lot to me, but the message and the truth of it is written on my heart and there is no losing that. 

Just for the record, I DO sew buttons on shirts and things of that nature...I dont' throw everything. 

Do you save things JUST in case you need them, do you have broken things you can't get rid of because of sentimental value? Do you feel you are worth it to have nice, non patched up things? 


krisgetshealthy.com said...

Through my weightloss I have found myself becoming more comfortable letting things go. I used to want to hold on to every little thing, just incase I needed it later, or might be able to use it in the future. Broken things are broken. I think as we grow and change and heal in our lives we become less broken and moving past other broken things is a sign of more growth.
I am sorry for the loss of your vase, and your ring, but perhaps your fear not ring has broken because you have broken through another fear and it was time to move on.

Mary said...

Kris: THANK YOU for saying that, it's almost exactly what I thought when it happened. It actually cracked 2 weeks ago and I said I would wear it till it fell off and this weekend broke, broke. Part of me thought it was because I had gotten past a fear I needed to--perhaps the very fear of holding THINGS. Always moving forward for sure!!

Kristi said...

I used to keep a lot of things for sentimental reasons, but then I realized that I would keep these things not really looking at them, but really thinking about the memories these things brought me. I realized I could keep the memories without keeping the item.

Marissa said...

throughout my weight loss journey, I find it easier to let go of the past...and all things that came with it! Definitely a huge step being able to let go, no matter what it is! LOVE THIS POST :) I couldn't agree more with your daily struggles, especially with food..I am right there with you and have been for 10 years of this journey and probably the rest of my life!

Pretty Pauline said...

I am a tosser! And The Hubs used to be the type to sew a sock rather than toss it. NO WAY! They come so easily at Wally... I think both of our reactions come more from our family backgrounds than anything else.

Elena (Running in Heels After Child) said...

There are some things I hold onto, but I am working on getting rid of things.

I tell my husband, who keeps everything, that if it is meaningful then we can keep it and it should have a home, but if it is piled up of shoved somewhere then it is junk.

We should hold memories and people in our hearts not hold onto stuff.



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