Tuesday, August 26, 2014

2014 UPDATE and walking through an open door!

It's been a while
As it seems, my last post about progress, not perfection allowed my heart and mind to take a step back from BUSY and just proceed to drink in a summer of changes at home, in my job and in my perspective. All good things, I assure you. 

Here's a QUICK rundown of the new items: 
  • We got a dog, Rascal 
  • I am NEARLY through my first go at the 12 steps of Celebrate recovery 
  • I have learned that I have a GARDENERS heart 
  • I have upped (as I said I would) my modeling
  • I got a new job at a boutique gym close to home
  • I have kept lifting, gained muscle
  • Mack and I have continued to work on our marriage, we celebrated 2 years in June (yay!!) 

There have been ups and downs, that is for sure. I haven't blogged since February...what HAPPENED?? Well, its simple...I let some business fall to the wayside as I let other priorities step forward. 

Marriage is GOOD, but it has been a challenge. We have communication struggles, we sought wise council (separate, together etc..) and because of all of that, rocky as the high road has been, I tend to isolate. People in recovery can do this when they face trials. I didn't stop going to church or doing my 12 steps, I didn't lose myself in pints of ice cream and buckets of chicken, "Fit this, Girl" stayed silent and I learned the art of landscaping and gardening. The healthiest avoidance tactic I have ever used. And as I dig in the dirt, watch some things bloom and some things wither, watch some thrive and some struggle, I KNOW that when I water, cultivate and keep the conditions right in my marriage, it will bloom year after year, better and brighter than the last, that motivates me. Keep going, keep weeding, keep watering, keep being kind, when its hard, when its sunny, when it's stormy. It will be worth it soon... 

Oh the 12 steps...I have to say, right now, in 3 groups at church, 2 for recovery, I am nearly sick of self work!! Thank GOD that I can rely on GRACE then and not works, lists, white knuckling it, but surrender and show up. When I show up, God will work in me, when I prepare my heart for change, he will step up and bring me chances to surrender self and bit by bit, see change. But what a process, it's nearly overwhelming. 

Enter Puppy: Oh, he's a rascal and now free time is spent walking, fetching and as soon as he's old enough, running! He's a Shepard, so he has as much energy as I do, minus the caffeine. 

I have done more modeling, once for a commercial for MN Tourism, a few runway shows and a pinup shoot potentially for a calendar. It's been a learning experience. I am not a runway model, but will need to walk a runway in December for AMTC, so all the practice I can get is GREAT. 

And my new job! It is at a sweet boutique gym near my house, I am going to love it. My co-workers are nice and knowledgeable and I am enjoying my clients so far... has it ever been otherwise? Not for me, I have been walking in Favor since I became a trainer four plus years ago. 

Can you BELIEVE it?? This summer was 5 years a blogger, 4 a trainer and 2 a competitor. Life is so sweet... 

Rascal and updated Family picture: 

Walking through an open door: 
I have struggled a bit this summer with my "off season" look... 
meaning, I was looking like I was on OFF season, when I don't WANT to look like that, nor do I believe that. Last figure show I did was October 2013 and as it often seems to fall, holidays follow as does weight gain for me and a look of OFF season. If it's a lifestyle, I shouldn't yo-yo (10 lbs) like I do. But I have been doing fasted cardio, working hard and really keeping my food in check. 

When an opportunity came to me, to audition for an ADIDAS print add for a "fit runner" I hemmed and hawed about it. Was I FIT? Was I fit ENOUGH?? In October yeah, but NOW? NO. But at the last minute, I submitted my name. The slots were full. I felt relieved, I was CERTAIN I would show up and be embarrassed. 

I shared this with the woman at the modeling agency and she quickly said that I WAS indeed fit enough, that competitors usually have a skewed view of what "fit" is... I did indeed. And I passed up an open door that I let my skewed self image see as a doorway to embarrassment or ridicule. 

Not again, I will from this point, walk through any open door that's within God's will for my life. I will take chances, I will leap, I will stick my neck out, I will HUSTLE, I will submit and surrender and let GOD decide how to use me, where to use me. That's the bottom line from now on. I will walk through the open doors. 

Last week progress pic at 124 lbs
who decides what is fit, 
fit enough and ripped? 

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Although Mary from Fit this girl is a CPT, always consult your physician or health care provider before beginning any nutrition or exercise program. Use of the programs, advice, and information contained in this website is at the sole choice and risk of the reader.