Tuesday, September 2, 2014
I struggle with grace.
For some reason, I can extend grace to others, but not to myself. On instagram (@maryfitthisgirl) I called it "SHOULD-ing" on myself. Regrets, holding things against MYSELF instead of extending grace. SELF is so central these days with self help, self love, SELFIES... it's not bad to do things for self, but one thing we neglect is to extend grace to self. Here is what I wrote that I wanted:
(To) Exceed my own perceived potential,
be an excellent wife and mom, have my
heart and mind congruent, give God glory,
be happy and be a healthy person.
When I do these things, I am quite sure, I will be what I deem my "BEST SELF." It will be different than I was yesterday, hopefully moving forward in grace, knowledge, wisdom (the application of knowledge), love and ACTION. If I find myself staying in the SAME place, I just assume, there is something more to learn. If I move forward,I assume its toward my BEST SELF. If I move backward, I assume that I am neglecting something, something is broken.
RECENT Selfies prove I teeter between staying where I am and moving foward, like I talked about before, a divine cha-cha: Two steps forward, every now and again, one steps back. Am i not applying knowledge? Am I not walking in LOVE with others and self? Am I not gaining wisdom, am I not giving and receiving grace? Spiritually, physically all these things go hand in hand.
Its not about perfection, it's about progress, its the divine CHA-cha, it seems to be what MOST of my blogs are about lately. Interesting and noted for sure. My, your, BEST self is a work in progress, a painting that is a vision in the artists mind, a framework of the eternal, a lesson in patience and in FINDING JOY.
"No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened." CS Lewis
I have a dream, lately I find doubt creeping in, "Do I deserve it? Can I achieve it? Am I good enough, disciplined enough, will I ever be closer or just teeter between dreaming and achieving??" No matter, BEST SELF is achievable. It's being what you are and what you are not yet. It's embracing that in-between and finding that JOY therein.